نقاش ويكيبيديا:برنامج ويكيبيديا للتعليم/مناهج دراسية/ترجمة، خالد الشهاري/مسودة ترجمة الفريق الأول

Introduction

The text is informative. It describes the story of a British short documentary film that was intended to gain the support of the United States for the cause of alliance in the Second World War. The language used contains many proper names and cultural specific terms for example carol, Christmas tree.

Target Readership

Since the text is on Wikipedia, the readerships of such text would be those Arabs from different Arab's countries especially those who are interested in studying Political Sciences, History and Anthropology as well as Arabs who are fond of making short documentary films.

Strategic Decisions

The main strategic decisions I have made is in context of cultural specific terms. First, although Christmas is known as

الأعياد أو عيد الميلاد 

I preferred not to transfer it this way because the context in which it appeared is sensitive. In other words, Christmas in this context, is a vital part and the film is all about it. Therefore, I thought that translating Christmas here as

عيد الميلاد 

would make the word losing its favour.

Secondly, the names of films were translatable. However, I kept the names in English in case the reader wants to watch the movie. One of the decisions as well was to go back to the film and watch it carefully to better understand some of the scenes.

Decisions of Detail

(1) The title is challenging to translate. It is untranslatable literally which made bound free translation approach applicable or even preferable Although under appears in the title, translating it as

الكريسماس تحت لهيب الحرب 

would weaken the target text. Also I haven't used the word fire itself but a feature of it which is

لهيب 

(2) Although the source text indicates the plural form 'audience', I have decided not to pluralize it in the TT because the purpose of the film was to reach every American individual. Sibawaih points out in Alkitab that:

وليس بمستنكَرٍ فى كلامهم أنْ يكون اللفظُ واحداً، والمعنى جميعٌ 

(3) The word Blitz is capitalized because it is borrowed from German word 'Blitzkrieg'. I was wandering why this word was not translated in the ST itself into, for instance, lightning war. The reason behind that there are words connected historically with some events and translating them will never give the same sense. Therefore, I have decided to translate the word but also to keep the sense of the original by keeping the word in the TT

(4) I have decided to add this fixed expression

تجرع مرارتها 

which is well-established in Arabic to enforce the sense the British had suffered from the war.

similar thing is applied to

رباطة جأشهم 

Reviser's Comments

1. وهو من اخراج هاري وات لمؤسسة كراون لانتاج الأفلام بوزارة الإعلام>

I suggest مؤسسة كراون لانتاج الافلام التابعة لوزارة الاعلام

2. ملخص عن الفيلم> the preposition ملخص الفيلم/ نبذة عن الفيلم

3. استمرارية الحياة> The first thing crossed my mind when I read the translation is that life is eternal. I would prefer translating it as الحياة تستمر/ هذه سنة الحياة.

I like your translation, and I don't think I can provide better translation.

Translator's Response

Dear Tahani ,

Thank you very much for your suggestions, I will insert them in the final version of the translation.

Best wishes,

Teacher's comments

Good introduction is given, and so is the definition target readership. Strategic decisions are well phrased, yet you need to base your arguments on theory. No references to external resources are mentioned. The translation is very good, yet you need to pay more attention to formatting issues, e.g. related to Wikipedia pages. The table with film details is missing.